[lightbulb]

I've had it with grown-ups, I think. God, what is it about ourselves that we lose the older we get? I pray to never become as ridiculous as the grown-ups I know.

tumbling thoughts

I have concluded -through a series of unrelated thoughts stemming over several years- many things about friendships. This is, of course, from how it related to my own experiences. May I never be so presumptuous as to speak for more than myself or my surroundings in absolutes.

I have found that two people cannot be "best friends" (perhaps we'll say "closest friends") when one is in a romantic relationship with somebody else- a third party. I'd venture to say it's the same when both are romantically involved with someone other than the friend in question. Because I think one's mate/spouse/romantic-whatever sort of automatically gets the top slot. If not in all ways (which I think they ought to, if it's the right sort of relationship) at least in many.

Because you tell your best friend everything, right? Or you could. But when there is an awkward thought of third party looming in the back of the mind, that doesn't work. There's a reservation. The other best friend (without the romantic partner) knows that they're in the second slot.

It works. It can still be the closest friendship of its kind. But it doesn't trump.

Ah, and then the matter of boys and girl. How blissful it is when they are young enough to be best friends. Of course, there's the adage "a guy and a girl can't be best friends unless one is actually interested in the other" (I've heard this advocated by men and refuted by men. surprise). Which is actually rubbish in my personal experience. I've seen many examples of best friendships popping up between members of the opposite sex without romantic interest. Of course, these don't last. They can't last. Generally it only works while the parties are young. Children, teenagers, unattached to a romantic partner.

But then...that's how all best friendships are, gender aside. I think one's spouse is the eventual best friend. All other "closest" friendships leading up to that are temporary. But oh...so sweet. Like the whiff of a flower in springtime.

I do love a good best friend, in theory. I've had vague friendships that might fit the category. I've had some, but then they added the romantic variable to their lives. I've had some, but people squinted at the boys and told me it's not proper. But nothing proclaimed. None of the "my best friend is (fill in the blank)." I'm NOT starry eyed and a'waitin' on a husband. But best friendship is an enticing thought. I should like to try it someday.

[]

I am commencing an undertaking, hitherto
without precedent and which will never find
an imitator. I desire to set before my fellows
the likeness of a man in all the truth of nature,
and that man myself. Myself alone! I know
the feelings of my heart, and I know men. I
am not made like any of those I have seen. I
venture to believe that I am not made like any
of those who are in existence. If I am not
better, at least I am different.

"The Confessions"
J. J. R.